Thursday, May 14, 2009

Winds of Change…

Ecclesiastes chapter one tell us that “there is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven”…

a time to be born and a time to die,
       a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,
       a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,
       a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
       a time to embrace and a time to refrain

In the course of the last couple of weeks, I’ve been dealing with some stuff.  As a former “pit dweller”, I have succumbed to the temptation to climb back into my pit, and allow myself to be (re)shackled with some chains that I was successful at “Breaking Free” from several years ago.

This just won’t do!

I aim to be VICTORIOUS in every area of my life, and have been praying through these circumstances to find the answers I need in order to LIVE FREE once. and. for. all.

A precious friend invited me over for coffee last week, and shared her heart (and some pretty tough love) with me regarding my “chains”.  (She and I have been friends for over 6 years now, she’s very familiar with my patterns).  We discussed these chains individually, and in detail.  The first:  My weight issues.

In light of what we shared that day, and the scriptures that I’ve been memorizing and praying out loud daily, I have made a decision.

I’m no longer going to blog about my weight or my weight-loss efforts.  At least not for a while, and probably never in the detail with which I have have been.

You see, the “thing” of losing weight had become almost an idol in my life, and was causing me to self-loathe in a major way.  If I stepped on the scale and had lost, it was a good day.  If I had not, it was not.  Not for me.  And especially not for those around me (aka: my KISA and kiddos).  I was letting the bathroom scales determine my mood and my general attitude about life.  I can’t do that anymore.

I have to turn to JESUS and HIS LOVE, MERCY, and GRACE to find my purpose.  I have to allow HIS HOLY SPIRIT to infuse me in such a way, that I love (not HATE) the woman He’s created me to be.  I have to do this FIRST, before I can work on any necessary “improvements” to my health and over all appearance. 

It’s kind of funny, actually.  I named my blog Truly Captivating, because after most of my years on this planet of not feeling like I “measured up” (or down – think weight – as the case may be…) to other women, my attitude toward myself had been radically transformed. (God used this book to help me).  I finally saw myself as beautiful and lovely (through the eyes of my Savior), and not only that, but WORTHY of true beauty and love in my life.  TRULY CAPTIVATING… if you will.

If you’ve been reading my blog at all lately, you’ve noticed that has changed a bit.

No more.

I’m gonna do what a pastor-friend of mine offers as advice to many of the people he counsels…

“STOP IT!” ;-)

I’m ready to turn over a new leaf, or rather turn back to the truth that I know I can stand on, rather than let the lies and wiles of the enemy take control, and confine me to my pit again. 

I’m sorry if this disappoints any of you.  Please know that I will continue to love and pray for all of you who have been on this “weighty” journey with me… but for now… this is where I get off.  This is where I hop on a new train of self discovery and embracing my destiny, the one I’ve been uniquely created to live out. 

This is where I turn into those howling winds that have been blowing against my back, and feel them transform into refreshing breezes that lift me up, and carry me above the noise and clutter… back into the arms of my Sweet Jesus.  Where I can look into his face, and see mine more clearly… where I can lean my head upon his chest and hear his heartbeat…and allow him to heal and strengthen mine.

Ahhhh… that’s better.

(Hopefully  more than one of you just breathed a sigh of relief… I know I just did!)

1 comment:

Brooke said...

i read somewhere that to be a glutton, all you have to do is put all of your focus on food (or the lack there of) so even anorexics can be gluttons
its very hard not to become obsessed with diet, weight loss, and anything that you spend that much time on.