I haven't missed counting points. I haven't missed following a strict weekly eating plan. I haven't missed disallowing certain foods. I haven't missed stepping on the scale. I haven't missed obssessing about food, eating, and weight.
I haven't missed the regular weight-loss/gain postings, that's for sure. I haven't missed the challenges. And quite honestly, I haven't even missed all the positive, encouraging, "You can DO it!" comments from well-meaning Internet strangers and friends, either.
The past almost-year since my last post here has been very freeing in some ways. I've loved not spending every waking minute thinking about food, planning meals, counting points, fretting about how to lose the extra weight from a binge night or two, and being disappointed when I stepped on the scale.
But I have missed being lighter.
Today, I weigh 170.8. I am 12 lbs heavier than I was at the end of last August (roughly when I posted last) and almost 16 lbs heavier than I was exactly a year ago.
Obviously, this TOTAL FREEDOM thing isn't such a great idea. Of course, maybe that's because it might have been more appropriately called RECKLESS ABANDON...
I just wish I could find a balance between being conscientious about my food choices, and my eating and exercise habits, without feeling like that's ALL I think about. I have been saying this for years ~ to the point that I'm sick and tired of saying it and hearing myself say it ~ but whatever I do needs to feel natural in order to become a habit. All these counting, figuring, and abstinence plans are not NATURAL. They work, but none of the programs and systems I've tried so far, no matter how successful they might have been, were just not something I wanted to have to adhere to for the rest of my life.
So, all this to say, I guess I'm back at square one. This month will be about trying to start some habits (AGAIN) that feel good, feel natural, will be good FOR me, and that I can see myself sticking with for a lifetime.
Sure. No problem, right??