Overcoming Self-Sabotage

Okay, now that we understand a little better how and why we do the self-sabotage thing. But NOW WHAT?! How do we FIGHT it?!

There's a wicked old MadTV sketch with Bob Newhart who plays a psychologist, and a patient comes in, complaining of all kinds of things and the doctor's sage advice over and over is, "Well..... STOP IT. Just STOP IT!" Wise, eh? Simple and yet so tough. How do we "just stop" self-sabotage?

1. Prayer. This is an area where I struggle the most. I have to admit, I sometimes get frustrated and annoyed when Christians talk about "just giving it to God" because, in practical terms, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN??!! I think I'm finally figuring it out. I can't say that every time I'm tempted to eat something I don't need that I remember to pray and actively find something else to do, but I have had victorious moments and days in the last week. Each day this week, I've begun with prayer, including prayer for myself. That I would remember my early morning petition for self-discipline throughout the day when I'm tempted to sit here at the computer when my to do list isn't anywhere close to done, or when I'm tempted to eat and eat and eat in the afternoons while the girls are upstairs or outside for 'quiet time.'

The article I referenced in Friday's post says : "We should never forget the value of our quiet-time as a place where our fears can be confronted and overcome. It's greatly beneficial to take generous time for meditation--both to dwell on God's grace and provision for our life, and to stare our fears in the face and recognize them for the irrational apprehensions they so often are.

The author also says this is why it's important to establish our priorities and a daily schedule during our devotional time in the morning because when we resolve in prayer to spend our days in a certain way, we're responding to God's leading and not just our own impulses. "The conviction of God's call, more than any factor, strengthens our motivation and quells our fears of both failure and success."

2. Help from our friends. God's touch in our lives, including healing from our fears, so often comes through the encouragement of friends. What makes the fear of success so difficult for many is the mistaken perception that they alone suffer from it. Seek and cultivate relationships where you can be straightforward in sharing your apprehensions of success. Which is of course, what we're doing here in the blogosphere at The Sisterhood, and to a much lesser extent, right here on this blog. But as much as these sites may encourage us and give us news, hints, tips, and insights, it still can't take the place of a personal, flesh-and-blood friend to walk with, encourage, and pray for us. The renewed strength, determination, and confidence that comes from this sort of a relationship can be remarkable.

3. Manage the benefits of success. It takes time for our minds to adapt to change, even when it is most welcome. We need to be realistic about our own adjustment process and not make sudden drastic changes, even when we've reached our goals. This is particularly true when weight loss was the goal. Part of the reason I've failed to maintain my success in the past is because once I reached my goal, I figured I didn't need to be careful anymore. WRONG!

It's certainly not wrong to enjoy the benefits of success ~ the Bible extols the value of rejoicing in our achievements and enjoying the results of our work ~ the point is simply that balance is needed. And remembering that God has created us to find our greatest joy in Him, not personal success.

4. Keep the wheels in motion. Someone reportedly once asked Albert Einstein how he was able to cope with his remarkable notoriety. He replied that he dealt with it by continuing to work and pursue new goals. He didn't dwell on his success but kept his mind actively involved in new pursuits.

The motivation of Christ is experienced most fully when our lives are in motion --not frantic, obsessive motion, but prudent, natural motion toward goals which we've prayerfully resolved Christ wants us to pursue. It's through this constant forward movement that our fears can be overcome and we can find the courage to become the person Christ has created us to be. And it's within this movement that we discover most completely and convincingly the truth of the biblical promise that in His joy is our strength (Nehemiah 8:10).

So we need to give our attention to using the gifts Christ has given us, and to moving toward the goals He helps us establish for ourselves. Keeping our lives in motion will allow the Lord to move us beyond our fears of success ~ even sometimes beyond our wildest dreams ~ and into those accomplishments that reflect

His best for your life.

PS. Here's that Newhart video clip. It's funny stuff ~ especially if you watch right to the end.

Examining Self-Sabotage

I have a problem.

Let's have a show of hands; how many of you notice you have trouble with self-sabotage? Maybe you can identify with this and maybe you can't, but I know this is a fairly widespread problem and it affects many areas of life, not just my living well efforts. It seems to be the most prevalent where the most self-discipline and sacrifice is involved. Hmmmmm, coincidence? I think not.

What self-sabotage boils down to is FEAR. Fear of letting go of what's comfortable ~ old habits ~ and fear of change and challenge. It masquerades sometimes as laziness or lack of motivation, but deep down, it's fear. Plain and simple. And while we might be able to reason away the fears and make them sound like perfectly acceptable reasons we're not trying harder, we're still allowing fear to stand in our way.

My best friend, Alicia, and I have been in the process of trying to lose weight ever since, well, ever since we can remember. Both of us have periodically had temporary success, only to 'fall off the wagon' yet again, often undoing much of the progress we'd made. It's frustrating.

One thing we've talked about in the past is the fear of success. It sounds ridiculous, but it's a very real fear for a lot of people. We're afraid to reach our final goal because we know in the past that when we have, we've relaxed our self-discipline and regained the weight we just lost. It almost feels pointless to strive towards a goal that historically, we've started to UN-achieve the minute we reach it. Does this sound like you?

According to one awesome article, Christians are actually more prone to this fear than most people. Why? Because "Christian teaching often fails to balance biblical perspectives on the desires of the flesh and self-denial with the positive role of motivation and accomplishment in the Christian life. The result is a myriad of success-phobics among modern Christians. Many Christians are convinced that God doesn't wish them to enjoy significant success. There seems to be more nobility and humility in failure--and much less hazard to your relationship with Christ!"

The article goes on to point out there are four main areas of fear that characterize self-sabotage:

1. Fear of punishment from God. Achieving success will mean experiencing more pleasure and happiness than we're entitled to in this life. Reaching the goal will make us more competitive with God, more like God. He won't like it. He will punish us.
2. Fear of losing the affection of others. Will my success be a blow to someone's self-esteem, a silent criticism of their judgment or their lifestyle? We worry about the effect of wounding someone's pride with our success.
3. Fear of increased responsibility. This is a big one. Change is tough ~ especially undoing years and years of bad habits. And of course, this fear isn't without justification. Success usually does bring additional responsibility, and some concern about being taxed beyond our limits is healthy. Yet we can also carry an unreasonable fear of not being up to bearing responsibility which Christ will enable us to assume. On another level, we can dread the increased sense of significance that will come with our achievement and the new responsibilities involved. We may fear that we're not up to handling it emotionally. Change in our self-concept is always unnerving--even positive change.
4. Fear of insignificance. In the grand scheme of things, is reaching this goal that important? This is so not important compared to so~and~so's goals and achievements. If I'm not going to feel like this is a big deal once I've 'arrived,' why bother putting myself through the agony of trying?

Are any of these sounding somewhat familiar? Since potential success can breed fears of both significance and insignificance, there are two perspectives we need to realize and accept.

"On the one hand, we need to remind ourselves that Christ has a distinctive plan for our life. He has given you a combination of gifts and opportunities as unique from anyone else's as our fingerprints. The work we do may seem futile in a purely objective sense, but our personality and mix of gifts will allow us to relate to certain people for Christ within our lives in ways no one else is as well-equipped to do. And in the mystery of God's providence we'll be there at just the right moment to meet certain needs of people which otherwise would go unheeded. We must remind ourselves constantly that God's plan for us is personally designed so that the work we accomplish will contribute significantly to what Christ is doing to meet people's needs. God intends our life as a matchless gift to people. Others will be deprived of important benefits if we fail to act.

"At the same time we should remind ourselves that ultimately, our work is only one small part of the picture of all that God is doing. The work is God's anyway, and we're forever in danger of taking ourselves too seriously. Scripture does have plenty to say about the danger of success becoming an idol, but it speaks just as often about the positive side of success and the importance of using our gifts constructively for God's glory. "Whatever he does prospers," the first Psalm declares of the godly person (v. 3). God has ordained each of our lives to certain accomplishment. Yet the fear of success can hold us back from God's best as greatly as any other inhibition or sin."

What is God's best for us? I think we all have a pretty good idea of what this means. And now that we understand a little better what self-sabotage is, where it might come from or why it might be happening, come back next week for a practical look at overcoming it.

Because we CAN overcome it, and start victoriously living 'God's best' for ourselves. Tune in Monday to find out how.

Weigh-In Wednesday

Happy Canada Day, everyone!!

Well, I'm not down quite as much as I was on Sunday, but I'm still down 1.4# from last Wednesday, so I'm good with that ~ especially since we had company on the weekend.

I was REALLY hoping to earn myself the 20# sticker today, but I guess I can wait until next week! Oh, except I'm leaving on Sunday to spend 5 days in the city with my parents, so I won't actually know how I've done until the following week. Hopefully, it'll be a good discovery once I step on the scale at home again!!

Haha, wish me luck!